Hardwiring Yourself for Resilience

The mind is like a garden. The garden is filled with flowers that grow out of positive experiences but also weeds that grow out of negative experiences. Our experiences are the seeds we plant. Because our mind is quite good at seeing and fixing on the negative events and experiences of our everyday living, for the good to grow and take root, we need to actively redirect and fix our mind more on the positive that may seem hidden and lost but are ripe for the picking. Focusing our attention on the positive, isn’t just for the pleasure and joy of the moment, delightful as that is. The other benefit is the effect on your brain of your continued practice of being aware and letting into your consciousness the positive experiences and events around us. It will literally change your neural networks. In his book, Hardwiring Happiness, author Rick Hanson, uses the phrase experience dependent neuroplasticity to describe this phenomenon.

To build well-being, inner-peace and contentment, or other inner strengths such as determination and self-worth, focus your attention on a positive experience today. Do it for 20 seconds each day. Give yourself this reward. In doing so, you will not only train your mind to focus more on the positive around us, but if you keep resting your mind on good events and conditions, these temporary mental states will become neural traits says Dr. Hanson. And the good thing about this is that it doesn’t take a lot of work, just a commitment to trying this a few times a day.

When I first tried this method of building inner strengths, it seemed very contrived and unnatural. Then I had this realization that my brain didn’t want to cooperate. I am not a negative person, but I recognized that my brain is accustomed to looking for and picking up the negative around me. Therefore, when I tried to focus on something positive I was out of sorts and even resistant. The example I am thinking of happened just the other day. I was in my car running late to get to the swimming pool. My kids were restless in the backseats. I was on the freeway and lots of cars were speeding by, many probably feeling stressed like me and wishing they were not here but at the destination they were heading. The car was also getting annoyingly hot then too cold with the AC on. A million negative experiences seemed to be conspiring. Or were they? Then, I had this thought of trying to focus on something positive. I chose to notice the sunlight coming through. Something ordinarily quite bothersome the way it gets in your face. Despite this and all the other irritations, I said to myself “Wow, it sure is beautiful out there today. We are so lucky to have this beautiful scenery around us with the bay on my left and the coastal mountains on my right.”

Now this didn’t suddenly make me relaxed or anything like that. But I didn’t expect that to happen. I also didn’t judge myself wrong to be paying attention to the road and the hazards along the way. Nor did I say I should not be feeling stressed by speedy drivers and the fact that I had to get to swimming pool soon since free rec swim was only until 230pm. Instead, I just took 15 seconds amid all the chaos to let in the positive experience of being around such beauty. I then went a little further and noticed how much I liked my dashboard of my hybrid car and the display with its neon blue light and the comfort of my faux leather chairs.

As I reflect, there was positiveness to be had in this. The point I am trying to make isn’t to search for a silver lining in a dark cloud or the rewards of driving 65 mph on Highway 101. The purpose is to show that it really isn’t difficult to let the mind rest on something positive around us. Just listening to our breaths is a marvel in a way. These positive experiences are all around us but our old limbic brain isn’t so well conditioned to look at them. We have to make an active conscious effort to focus our attention on the positive around to begin the process of growing more flowers in the mind’s garden. Eventually, with practice and determination, this garden will begin to yield the fruits of our labor. The seemingly elusive traits, the ones which we all seek but are sometimes in short supply, of self-worth, inner peace, compassion, gratitude and perseverance, for example, will have manifested as inner traits, the resiliency of who we are.